The first few times it happened, I was-a, like, “O.K., that’s a weird coincidence.” But then it happened again, and again, and, like, literally thousands more times. And I’m about to hang up, when she tells me she’s-a been kidnapped by a Koopa.Īnd I know I’m-a not supposed to say this, but lately I’ve started to think she’s been getting kidnapped by Koopas on purpose. I guess I didn’t know if you were going to call me back or not, because lately it’s like you’re not even a part of my life.” And then she just starts-a going off on me for being out of touch all day, and when I tell her I was at the doctor she accuses me of lying to her, because at this point in our relationship there’s-a, like, zero trust. Who the hell else would it be?” And she’s-a, like, “I’m sorry. And I just sigh, like, “Here we go.” And I call her back and she’s-a, like, “Who’s calling?” And I’m-a, like, “It’s-a me, Mario. So then I check-a my phone and there’s-a, like, twenty missed calls from the Princess. ![]() And I walk out of his office, and I’m-a staring at his card, and I’m-a just, like, “I can’t face this.” So I stick it under the shell of a passing beetle and give him a kick, and he slides across the bricks, just skidding off into oblivion. ![]() You could lose-a your ability to walk.” And he gives me his card and writes down his cell-phone number on it, and I’m-a thinking, Mamma mia, it must be serious if he’s-a giving me his private line. Recovery’s-a going to be brutal, but the alternative is you could-a end up in a wheelchair. And he says, “We need-a to schedule the surgery, Mario. I’m-a crying from agony and thanking him at the same time, because I know this shot, it’s-a going to at least give me a few days of relief. So I ask for a cortisone shot, and he’s-a, like, “It’s-a too soon since the last one.” And I’m-a, like, “Come on, it’s-a me, Mario.” So he sighs and gives me one, right in the spine, and it’s-a, like, literally the most painful experience of my life, but the sick thing is that I’m-a grateful. Mario comes back holding some X-rays, and he says that, between the jumping and the running and the smashing the bricks with my head, I’ve-a basically given myself arthritis. Mario (no relation), and he’s-a, like, “Mario, when’s-a the last time that you had a physical?” And I’m-a, like, “Can’t you just look at my back like-a normal?” And he’s-a, like, “No, because I’m-a starting to think there might-a be underlying problems.” So I’m-a in this tiny room for hours, doing all kinds of tests that I’ve-a never done before, and finally Dr. So basically one day I wake up, and it’s-a like I can’t-a move my back. I guess the best way to explain it is-a to start from the beginning of last week, which is when shit really started to get-a, like, super fucked up. Like, there’s just a lot of super-heavy shit that I’m-a dealing with right now. And, to be honest, I’m-a not doing so great. The thing that’s so hard about turning forty is it forces you to take-a stock of how you’re doing. Like, “Mamma mia, I’m-a going to be middle-aged.” It’s-a like one of those fireballs that moves-a so slowly you forget it’s even coming, until it’s-a right in your face. Just another birthday, right? Then it’s-a like the reality of the thing just hit me. I wasn’t-a really thinking about it much until last summer. I was-a born in 1981, which means, if you do-a the math, I’m-a forty years old. I’d-a wake up each morning shouting, “Wahoo! Yiiiiippeee! Here we go!” Pretty soon, I was-a having all kinds of super-fun adventures, crushing Koopas, dodging hammers, and jumping through castle after castle. Note: Glow will usually only apply to the first line of text - see the multi-line option for more details.It’s-a me, Mario! I was-a working as a plumber in New York when I fell-a down a pipe and landed in the Mushroom Kingdom. Note that very dark colours won't work here since the colour selected is an "addition" to the overall glow, so you may need to use a strong colour with this option. Select the colour you want to use with the swatch to the right. Lava, but may need some experimenting with. This can look great with some styles such as ![]() It's colour from the nearby edges of your text. Glow: Two different glow options are available: It's not the same as a full 3d render, but can look good for Minecraft and some other Thisģd style: This option will change the perspective of the text to look as if it's ![]() drop shadow: The drop shadow option creates a darker shadow underneath your text. Textcraft lets you apply some special settings to add some wow to your text.Ĭlick the "Create" button after changing these settings to update your text.
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